Attitude in coaching: what constitutes the inner attitude in coaching | Meet yourself in systemic coaching!

Attitude in coaching: The inner attitude is the invisible compass of every coaching session. It influences how we approach people, how we listen, how we ask questions - and how we accompany change. In the systemic coaching is not just about methods, but above all about the inner attitude: open, attentive, appreciative and curious. For clients, the inner attitude means how well they can respond to the coaching and how confidently they can deal with everyday problems.

What does „attitude“ actually mean in coaching?

Attitude describes the inner basic orientation of a coach: the image of a person, the values and the way in which you meet the other person. It is not expressed in words, but in the way you listen, in pauses, in giving space. A professional attitude is clear, empathetic and non-judgmental.

Coaches with a reflective attitude avoid directing or evaluating. Instead, they create a space in which the client can find their own answers.

The effect of attitude on the coaching process

Trust is not created through words, but through attitude. A coach who is authentic, present and appreciative enables real depth. This attitude works on a subconscious level: clients feel safe and accepted. This, in turn, is the prerequisite for change.

A methodically correct Coaching without attitude remains superficial. Only when the attitude is right do the Methods in all its effectiveness.

Attitude in coaching: what significance does the topic have in the coaching context?

Attitude as the basis for professional coaching relationships

Techniques can be learned. Attitude is developed. It is the basis for every successful coaching relationship. Without a reflective attitude, even the best method can fail.

If you as a coach are prepared to question yourself, clarify your values and have a present, open attitude, you create the basis for effective processes.

Values, world view and human image in coaching

Your own attitude is significantly influenced by your personal view of the world and people. Do I believe that people can develop? Am I convinced that clients will find their own solutions?

These basic convictions influence every question, every intervention and every reaction. Coaches who are clear about their attitude act consciously and authentically.

Holding on through attitude: why is our inner attitude so important?

Attitude as an anchor in complex situations

Coaching is often unpredictable. In emotional processes or in moments of uncertainty, it is not the method that carries the day, but the attitude. It is the anchor when there is no clear script.

The authentic and clear attitude helps coaches to remain calm, present and capable of acting - even in difficult moments.

The physical and inner attitude also gives our customers a sense of security. Many come to us with insecurities or problems that they have not yet been able to solve. Part of the development is then to question their attitude.

These can be thought patterns. However, it often starts with our everyday posture. It has been proven that our posture can have a significant difference on our self-confidence, which in the Problem solving process of coaching is particularly important.

(Körner, Köhler & Schütz (2020) - Power posing with primary school children; Erik Peper et al. (2018) - Upright vs. slumped sitting posture in mental arithmetic tasks)

Self-reflection and demarcation

Attitude also means knowing yourself, being aware of your own limits and being mindful of yourself. If you manage yourself well, you can also guide others well. Self-reflection is therefore a central component of a professional coaching approach. You quickly recognize who is authentic and who is still unconsciously hiding their true self.

Working with the systemic coach: how do we change our inner attitude?

Systemic principles and their effect on attitude

Systemic coaching is based on principles such as impartiality, resource orientation and circularity. These fundamentally influence the attitude of a coach:

• Impartiality: Every perspective is treated with respect.
• Resource orientation: Focus on strengths instead of deficits.
• Circularity: Questions that explore relationships and interactions.

These principles create an attitude that strengthens people instead of analyzing them. At the same time, we look at imprints from childhood and the social environment. What do we recognize? People's primary thought patterns usually arise from their view of things coupled with their role in their private and professional environment.

Attitude as a process - not as a state

Posture is not something fixed. It develops. Through experience, feedback and reflection. Good coaches remain learning, open and self-critical. They are prepared to constantly readjust their attitude. Coachees develop their attitude dramatically.

To visualize this, we like to include the following example in our discussions:
Imagine a lemon. Under pressure, lemon juice comes out of it, which in this example stands for inner insecurity. If you now expect to get orange juice from the lemon (here meaning inner security), you have to change it from the inside out.

By working on attitude, imprints and patterns. Over time, people become more confident from within and develop into an authentic and self-assured person. The insecure lemon becomes a confident orange. Some of our clients experience huge changes through this exercise.

Developing an attitude: Exercises and reflection questions for practice

In-depth and suitable for everyday use:

• What do I believe about change - and how does this shape my attitude towards coachees?
  → Do I believe that everyone can change? Under what conditions?
• How do I counter insecurity - in myself and in the other person?
  → Do I take refuge in control? Do I become impatient or open?
• When am I really present - and how can I tell?
  → What disturbs my presence? What rituals help me to stay with myself?
• What happens internally when a coachee does not „join in“ or blocks?
  → Does my attitude then become defensive, judgmental, overwhelming or empathic and stable?
• What judgments and expectations do I (unconsciously) bring to my work?
  → What inner images do I have of „good“ coachees?

Prejudices can also be part of the attitude. As a coach, it is incredibly important to close these drawers and meet the person where they are at the moment. Judgements and prevailing patterns blind us to the person we are dealing with. Profound change also requires profound understanding.

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1. embodiment ritual before the coaching (or meeting)

Target: Anchoring the desired posture physically
Implementation:
Consciously take 2 minutes before each session:

• Upright posture
• Deep breathing
• Visualize the attitude you need today (e.g. patience, courage, lightness)
  → Tell yourself inside: „I am present today with [attitude].“

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2. mini-supervision: The inner stage

Target: Change of perspective and role awareness
Implementation:
After tricky sessions:

• Which inner parts were active in me (rescuer, teacher, know-it-all, avoider)?
• Which of them took action - and was it helpful?

👉 Recognize which standard processes are going on in you. Then objectively assess whether these are working for you.

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3. posture sparring with colleagues or in coaching

Target: Recognizing external perspectives and blind spots
Implementation:
10 minutes with colleagues or coaching network:

• Describe a specific session
• Just ask a question: How did you perceive my attitude? / Where did I score too early?
• Just listen. No justification. Just take notes.

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4. trigger analysis: where does my posture wobble?

Target: Strengthening self-management in difficult moments
Implementation:

• Make a note after each session: Were there any triggers?
• What exactly challenged me emotionally or cognitively?
• What old experiences or beliefs have had an effect?
• How do I want to deal with it in the future?

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5. write „I am“ statements / mantras

Target: Raising linguistic and emotional awareness of attitude
Implementation:
Formulate your basic attitude in 3-5 „I am“ sentences:

1. „I'm here to listen and understand, not to judge.“
2. „Everyone has their own story and their own reasons.“
3. „I open my mind to new insights and possibilities.“

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Conclusion: Attitude in coaching as the key to real change

Attitude is the invisible force in coaching. It determines whether methods work, whether trust develops and whether real change is possible.

Appreciation, acceptance, process competence, problem solving, sense orientation, questioning techniques, solution approaches: all equally important for the success of coach and client. A systemic coach develops this competence in their training or through many years of experience in management.

In this way, we can offer substantiated and supportive insights that give the client a new perspective and help them to develop sustainably. The client decides where they want to go during the clarification of the assignment. This is taken seriously and becomes the basis for personal growth. 


The important thing is that the attitude of both the consultant and the client counts. If you secretly believe that coaching does not work, then you are wrong with us. If you are ready for change, we will be happy to assist you.

Memorize the following ladder. This will show you how important your attitude is for your whole life. So start with attitude. Regardless of whether you want to be happier or have a specific change in mind. Attitude determines feelings and this extends to our everyday life and lifestyle.

Posture
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Feelings
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Actions
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Results
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Our life